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Bastard coworkers

So my bastard coworkers, those bitches, have been chatting it up, the subject: Their nieces. What the hell?! I want a niece!

I do not want my own chillin, I just want more than anything in this world, is to spoil my sisters kids so much that they hate their mom and love me. They have to hate their other aunt too.

I've already begun the plan, to win their hearts (I assume the plural). Toys, candies, fun trips to amusement parks and zoos, sabotage. Thats right. Anything my sister tries, I will turn to my favor.

Future Niece: "Oh, it's present from Aunt Allie! I wonder what it could be, I hope its that new video game I wanted! Oh wait, it's just a box of horse hoof shavings! What the hell, Aunt Allie, do you even love me anymore?"

Me: "No, niece, she hates you! What a horrible thing to give to a darling angle like you! Heres the game you wanted and fifty dollars and a giant ass lollipop for your trouble. Later, we we'll hatch a plan to fill Aunt Allies bed with spiders and centipedes!"

Future Niece: "Aunt Kate, can I come live with you?"

Me: "God no! Love from afar, sweetie! From afar!"

-godpasta